I think people get wake up calls not often. Something that changes your life. Like death, failure, betrayal. In the prospective, these ugly things are revolutionary.

Every time I think of committting a suicide, I also think about my parents and how unfair it is to them. And that's what stops me. To tell the truth, my life is not really awful, but not living it might have been better.
To get up every day, it takes a special effort. I dream for 12+ hours, then I wake up and regret waking up. My dreams are way more entertaining, and to make life that fun it takes so much effort, starting with the one after waking up.
I'm only writing this because I don't have anyone to talk about it. I used to have friends, but with an expiration date. And my relatives are not to be burdened with the things that I myself can rule out.
I can write about what I like here.
Music, hot random sex, pot, pretty things, nature, camping, trying some new stuff, traveling. I really do and do imagine doing everything by myself, for we are utterly alone in this world, if not shaded by an idea of togetherness.
In a couple of hours I'm starting a new job this year, a teaching job. I'm wondering how much satisfaction on the scale from 1 to 3 it can get.
Mom, Dad, I'm not doing the suicide thing - it would have spoiled your lives till the end of your days. And it is unfair. Just like many other things.